Star Wars Christmas Carols

This carol is drawn from the Book of New Hope, chapter 3, verse 8:

“And lo, the image of Leia did appear

And said unto them:”

 

“Jedi Knight, old Jedi Knight,

Obi-wan, help us fight.

Radiant beams from thy lightsaber blue,

Come to me, we need it anew.

Help us now in our need,

Help us now in our need!

 

Jedi Knight, help us to fight,

R2’s plans give us fright,

From the time of the Clones in part 2,

In part four, you’ll get us all through.

Help us now, our last hope,

Obi-wan, you’re our last hope.”

Refrain:

Jango Fett, Jango Fett,

Blasting off to space

On his way to kill Padme

Just to run away!

 

Jango Fett, Jango Fett,

Flies through hyperspace,

But Mace Windu, he runs him through,

And Boba gets his day.

 

Verse:

A long, long time ago,

An army to provide,

Kamino had the skill, 

And Jango was their guide.

They cloned him in a tank,

And soldiers he begot,

But as he tried to get away

The Jedi sussed the plot! (Refrain)

​

A rousing pub carol sung widely in the outer rim, much to the dismay of Boba Fett, who got so sick of hearing it that he eventually returned to the belly of the Sarlacc just to escape having to hear it again.

Mandolorian (Mandolorian!)

Mandolorian (the Mandolorian!)

‘cross the galaxy they’re wingin’

The Mandolorian and Grogu.

 

Mandolorian (Mandolorian!)

Mandolorian (the Mandolorian!)

In the Razorcrest they’re swingin’

The Mandolorian and Grogu.

 

After three long seasons (After three long seasons)

They’ve settled down

Just out of town,

No more bounties now,

No runnin’ around.

It’s Navarro in the sunset now

(It’s Navarro in the sunset now!)

 

But there’s somethin’ comin’,

(But there’s somethin’ comin’)

Some whoop-de-do,

Some Son-of-a-gun,

In 2026 to the multi-plex run

‘cause they’ll be havin’ some adventures now!

(they’ll be havin’ some adventures now!)

 

Mandolorian (Mandolorian!)

Mandolorian (the Mandolorian!)

‘cross the galaxy they’re wingin’

The Mandolorian and Grogu.

 

Mandolorian (Mandolorian!)

Mandolorian (the Mandolorian!)

In the Razorcrest they’re swingin’

The Mandolorian and Grogu.

​

This carol seemingly anticipates the release of The Mandolorian and Grogu in this galaxy not so far away, and not at all long ago.

​

Refrain:

Last movie we blew the Death Star

In the very next one (plus one), we did it again

And then, dear, after 30 more years,

We’ll do it again one more time.

​

A song of the Resistance before being wiped out in The Last Jedi.

Emp’ror Palaptine looked out

On his great construction

Evidence lay all about

Of death and destruction

Brightly shone his eyes that night

And his smile was cru-el

When Skywalker came in sight

With his dad to du-el.

 

“Hither lad, stand by my side,”

Called the Emp’ror to him.

“Take your father’s place with pride”

Luke’s future looked quite grim.

Vader lit his saber red,

Oy, the mood was somber.

Luke soon now would wind up dead,

For Vader was stronger.

O Palpatine, O Palpatine

Your skin’s so wrinkly, and you’re green.

O Palpatine, O Palpatine

Your skin’s so wrinkly and you’re green.

You tried to kill off  Luke for laughs,

Then Vader turned you into gas.

O Palpatine, O Palpatine

Mace Windu turned you wrinkly green.

​

Probably the most famous and popular carol of the post-imperial interregnum. Banned outright in most systems under the First Order.

Palpatine, Palpatine, Palpatine Rocks,

Palpatine smiles and somebody dies!

When lightning bolts shoot out of both of his hands

Better start listening, then, to his commands.

 

Palpatine, Palpatine, Palpatine rocks

Palpatine's  plots tie the rebels in knots

Writhe and wriggle at the Emperor’s feat,

That’s how Palpatine Rocks!

 

It’s a bright time for a Sith mind

To put those Knights away.

In a floodtide of the Dark Side

With Order 66 the clones will blast away!

 

Palpatine, Palpatine, Palpatine rocks

Cackles around the clock.

Writhe and wriggle at the Emperor’s feat,

He’s mean to everyone

(‘specially Mandolorians!)

That’s how Palpatine Rocks!

​

This disturbing carol is a rarity, and obviously drawn from a Sith source--not people usually given to Life Day celebrations. One can only conjecture upon the scene in which it would be sung.

I’m dreaming of a great sequel,

Unlike the ones we’ve always known.

Where the stories make sense,

No Jar Jar attempts,

Or garbage like that one Solo.

 

I’m dreaming of a great sequel,

With every whiny post I write.

We’ll dissect them all byte by byte,

‘Cause they all will never be quite right.

 

Editor’s note: The Editor’s would like to note that they do not share the sentiments of the Fan Boy community. We rather like Solo and, yes, even Rise Of Skywalker. About the prequel trilogy and The Acolyte, though, we heartily agree.

​

How slowly fires the first Death Star,

E’en though it’s not so very far

It still takes 20 minutes.

 

Yes in the way there is a moon,

But they could move or blow it too,

I guess they never thought it.

 

Al-der-aan,

Blew it too bits,

Leia had fits,

So did Obi-wan,

Why so slow ‘til Yavin bought it?

 

This carol, translated from the original Endorian Germanic source, gets to the heart of one of the many conundrums about Imperial super weapons.

Refrain:*

Carbonite, carbonite

It’s freezing time for Han Solo

See the gas, freeze him fast

Soon he will be Jabba’s toy.

​

This was a wildly popular tune in certain pubs throughout the Outer Rim before the fall of the Empire.

​

*The verses are unprintable.

We wish you a wookie Lifeday,

We wish you a wookie Lifeday,

We wish you a wookie Lifeday,

With some porg and good beer.

 

Good tidings we bring to all on Kashyyk

Good tidings for Lifeday

With some porg and good beer.

 

We wish you a wookie Lifeday,

We wish you a wookie Lifeday,

We wish you a wookie Lifeday,

With some porg and good beer.

​

A traditional Lifeday carol, “Uh OHHHH Aah Eh” exploded into galactic popularity once translated from the original Wookie